Have I ever loved? Oh yes I did. Loved so hard, that it pained to think that I was away from love. Loved so much, that even silence seemed like pleasure. Loved so much, that ignorance was bliss. Loved so much, that indifference was joy. Loved so much, that loneliness felt like the best company I could find. Loved so much, that a punch to the heart felt like a badge of honour. Loved so much, that being shunned by love didn’t really matter. Loved so much, that love in its silence spoke volumes to me. Loved so much, that expecting nothing much in return kept me happy. Loved so much, that the littlest things meant the world. They still do, no doubt.
I loved so much, that I heard a million things in the silence love sent back to me each time I ventured to speak. I loved so much, that love taught me the best lesson I ever learned.
Love because love draws you near to love. Like a rose, it draws you near to it with the sweet smelling scent its exotic petals house. Like a thorn, it pricks and bleeds you when you get near it. The thorns guard the rose’s heart like I do mine with barbs, unseen by the other. Unlike the rose that shamelessly lets the thorns line the stem, I hide my pain under a façade.
Only love can do what it does to me. Oddly though, I love love itself. Even when it shuns me away I come back to it, for who do I have save for love to turn to.
Even though a million things flow by me each day, there is nothing I see that doesn’t remind me of love. I see him in each thing I do, I hear him in each thing I say. I feel him in everything I touch. No one can take his place for even though he has taken different forms throughout my life, he still is the same! Love came in different forms, shapes, sizes, times and ways, but always eluded me!
I hope love knocks on my door one day. I may be at death’s door, but I assure you I will hound death till I find him who was never mine!